Debra, 61, was interested in meeting a man who could be a life partner in faith and love for God, something her annulled marriage had been missing.
Father Paul, her spiritual director and confessor, mentioned to her that she should give CatholicMatch a try.
“I almost didn't follow through, but now I am glad I did!” Debra laughs.
She joined CatholicMatch in August of 2017. She had only been a member a few days when Stephen, 55, became the first person to view her profile. Debra clicked on his profile in return, and discovered he was polar opposite from what she thought she was looking for. But one of Stephen’s photos touched her heart—it showed him caring for his elderly mother, who was in a wheelchair.
She messaged him to ask about his story, since at the time she was caring for her own father, who was searching for permanent housing options. This turned out to be the first real connection between the two of them, where their mutual friendship would begin.
Stephen, who was finishing his Cursillo, had been on CatholicMatch for about six months. He was looking for someone who not only shared his Catholic beliefs, but practiced those beliefs in her everyday life—something his annulled marriage had also lacked.
He had initially been attracted to Debra by her pictures, which showed her doing things about which she was passionate.
“She also had some great answers to the questions,” Stephen said, referencing the CatholicMatch questionnaires provided for members.
Meanwhile, for the next six weeks, Debra had no luck going out with other guys.
She decided to take the Matched course to learn more about online dating and how she could use it for her benefit.
“I learned that we should forget about what we think we want, and that the only thing that matters is a virtuous heart,” she says.
Hmm, a virtuous heart? Now who did that sound like?
Coincidentally, following a particularly disappointing date, she found herself thinking “I wonder what Stephen is up to these days?” Finally, she admitted she might have been wrong about overlooking him, and decided to give him another chance. She took took the plunge and asked Stephen to meet her for lunch.
The two met for the first time at a Barnes and Noble just to see each other face to face. Stephen was very nervous, but it turns out he had nothing to fear. The next week, they had their first official date. It was a long walk in Mt. Auburn Cemetery in Cambridge, Massachusetts, where Stephen lived. The beautiful fall day encouraged them to talk for a long time and go out for lunch at a local Bertucci's.
After that first date, they didn’t go a day without texting or talking to each other.
The distance turned out to be their biggest challenge, even though it wasn’t terribly far—with Steve in Massachusetts and Debra in New Hampshire, the distance between them was about an hour. They report that it was not insurmountable, but it proved to be quite a challenge in the middle of their busy, separate lives. One of their favorite things to do together was to attend Mass, so they made it a tradition to go to different historic Catholic churches both in Boston and in Debra’s area of New Hampshire each week.
“To be able to share the sign of Christ’s' peace with someone you really care about is very special to me. I never had that before, and always felt a bit wistful watching other happy couples share with each other,” Debra reports. Another favorite memory of their dating relationship was listening to Steve sing. Or, as she puts it, trying to sing!
“We have so many things in common and just get along really well,” Stephen adds, talking about how they got closer as the months passed. The two began to realize their relationship was one that could go the distance. Both having found the faithful, loving partner they were seeking, Stephen and Debra made the decision to marry.
They were joined in marriage at Our Lady of Mercy Catholic Church on March 9th, 2019.
It was a beautiful Mass and ceremony with their friends and family attending, all centered around the amazing God they so love. Along with an offering to Mary, they made a contribution to the church’s Food Pantry as their first act as a married couple.
“Father Paul said, in his 47 years as a priest, he had never had any other couple choose to do that during their ceremony,” Debra says. She and Stephen also note the symbolic choice of their wedding date. “We believe getting married at the beginning of Lent is very symbolic of our closing the door on our old lives and transforming our lives into something even better in God's service.”
Debra and Stephen state their strong faith, childlike trust in God, and joy in life's graces have helped them develop first as friends, and then as husband and wife. Even though each was totally different than what they expected in a spouse, they found far more joy in God’s plan than in their own.
“I would never have thought he would be a match for me…but God knows our hearts better than we do!” Debra says.
